I don’t like Thanksgiving. I don’t dislike Thanksgiving. I just don’t like it. There are many reasons why a lot of people DO like Thanksgiving. Ironically, those same reasons are the reasons I DON’T like Thanksgiving.

1. Thanksgiving is a time for family to get together. This is a blaring neon sign to remind me that I don’t have my own family yet. I know it will happen someday, but during the holidays, I can’t help but feel lonely. Also, the family I do have – my mom and my siblings, don’t do much for Thanksgiving. My brothers always go to their in-laws (which reminds me of the fact that I don’t have in-laws…), which leaves just me and my mom, and Sharon. My family does get together for pie, but usually by then all the kids are done, no one is hungry, and everyone leaves shortly after getting there.

2. Thanksgiving is one day when you can eat everything you want…all day. Unfortunately, there are zero days of the year that I can eat anything I want. Even on Thanksgiving, I can’t eat gluten. This means no rolls, no pies (unless they’re made by me or my mom), no stuffing, no gravy, etc. Really, if Thanksgiving dinner consisted of dry turkey and mashed potatoes, I doubt very many people would get excited about it. I don’t. This year my mom is making steak and potatoes for me and my sister. While I know it will be tasty (lots tastier than dry turkey), it’s not exactly the “feast” most people will enjoy. Also because of this limitation, I choose not to accept invitations to other people’s Thanksgiving dinners. You never know how others will prepare things or if they’ll be “safe.”

3. Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful. I get this. But really, shouldn’t we always be thankful? Why can’t there be more of an emphasis on gratitude year round – instead of once a year? Maybe that’s too idealistic. Also, I love facebook. I love it because I love to see what’s happening in other peoples’ lives. However, it seems like in November, no one posts about what’s happening in their lives, they just post about what they’re thankful for. I can only read about how thankful people are for their husbands/wives/kids so many times before I want to vomit!

4. This isn’t necessarily a reason anyone likes Thanksgiving, but it is a reason I don’t like it. When I was 16, my parents had everyone over for pie on Thanksgiving, as per usual. When everyone had settled down with their dessert, my parents took advantage of the fact that we were all gathered in person. They told us that my dad had cancer. I understand why they did it then – it was important, it was urgent, and they wanted everyone to hear it directly from them, not through the grapevine. However, every time I think about Thanksgiving, that’s what I remember. It’s not a pleasant association. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how long ago it was, it is still the first thing I think of when I think of Thanksgiving. Memories are funny like that.

I sincerely hope that someday I will not feel lonely on Thanksgiving. I hope that someday I will have the opportunity to prepare a great feast (gluten free of course) for my own family. I hope that someday I can replace the negative memories I have of Thanksgiving with fabulous ones! But, for now I will make do. I will enjoy a quiet dinner with my mom and my sister. I will enjoy the rest of my family when they come over for pie. And I will enjoy pie – my mom and I have plans to make a couple.

I’ve decided that I need to just stop trying to figure out what Heavenly Father’s plan for me is. Really, there’s no point. I will likely never be able to see the whole picture. And it doesn’t benefit me any to try! I need to just take it step by step and trust Him!

I had a perspective shift this weekend. It’s been an interesting experience. Heavenly Father is a constant God. His answers don’t change just because we want them to – at least not without consequences. However, our understanding of the answers He has given us can change, which could open up a whole new world of possibilities. I think that’s what is meant about learning things “line upon line and precept upon precept.” This will probably not make much sense to anyone but me, but what can you do?

Also – my testimony has grown over the last few days. I’ve always been very sensitive to the Spirit. And it has always been very abundant in my life. The whisperings and the comfort and peace that come from the Spirit are very familiar to me. I have realized that I have been missing that peace and comfort lately. I’ve had glimpses and Heavenly Father has been very quick to answer my prayers. But, the constant peace that comes from knowing that all is well has not been a part of my life recently. I made a few decisions and with those decision came an outpouring of calm and comfort and the knowledge that all is well. I still don’t know what Heavenly Father has in store for me, but I’m confident in knowing that I am on the right track.

I found the blog of an old college friend today. As I was reading what she has been up to for the past few years, I read this thought and loved it. I had to share:

“Heavenly Father wants us all to succeed in life. The trials He gives us are never to bring us down, but lift us higher. Never question His influence in your life. He is always there, whether you are aware of it or not. He has reason for all that He puts in your path. Trust Him, pray always, and never give up.”

So simple, so true, and so encouraging. Heavenly Father and I have been chatting a lot lately. And let me just say – He is there, He is listening, and He answers prayers. I had a tender experience in the temple this week. 4 words were said at the temple (I’m not sure if I’m allowed to repeat them or not, so I will choose not to). Those 4 words were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. It was one of the loudest answers I have ever received. That answer came after literally weeks of pouring my soul and crying to my Heavenly Father. And it was all about something I knew in the first place. But Heavenly Father knows me and loves me enough to give me a reminder – loud and clear, even if I already knew it!! I love my Father in Heaven. I have absolute trust in Him to be in control of my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I will continue to Trust Him, pray always, and never give up!!